I Am _________, Who Are You?

I missed posting yesterday.  I think I will be forgiven because I was busy attending marching band contests for my kids from 6:30am to 11:00pm.  The rules to my challenge state that I can post twice in one day if I miss a day, so no big deal.  Wait!  What?  OMG, two posts in one day.  I’ll have to save it for something really good.  I mean it’s October, the month of Halloween and Homecoming, and I have crazy kids.  Surely something twice-blog worthy will happen.  Right?  Right.  Okay then.  Moving on.  I was sitting on the toilet… (seriously, how many great stories have started with that sentence!) and I looked up and saw my nutcrackers. I love my Halloween nutcrackers.  How can you not love anything called a “nutcracker”?

And as I was gazing adoringly on these nutcrackers, I realized they kinda represented how I feel about myself today.  Like a cross between a blood-sucking vampire killer and Skeletor, the Grim Reaper.  Obviously, I am very self-deprecating.  I’m quick to put myself down, or take one for the humor team.  It’s mostly a defense mechanism.  I mean if I make fun of myself then no one else will beat me to it, right?  It’s also true that I have the ability to laugh at myself and the stupid crap I do or say.  I’ll break out the self-deprecation when I’m feeling nervous or uncomfortable.  And there is probably a part of me that uses humor to keep people at an emotional distance.  I love this line from the new movie, “Pitch Perfect” –

Aubrey:  “What’s your name?”

Fat Amy:  “Fat Amy”

Aubrey:  “You call yourself Fat Amy?”

Aubrey:  “Yes, so twig b*tches like you don’t do it behind my back.”

This week the truly awesome and inspirational blogger You Know It Happens At Your House Too posted a blog called I am ______, Who are you?  The idea is to set a timer for 5 minutes.  Break out any apparatus you have handy: paper, iPhone or computer and write indiscriminately using the above prompt, I am _____.  Do not edit, change or even proofread it.  Save it when you are done.  These 5 minutes belong to you.  It’s 5 minutes of your life when you get to celebrate being you.  You don’t have to share this list with anyone, but keep it and when you are feeling blue or down on yourself, break it out as a reminder of how awesome and special you truly are!  If I can do this, Queen of Self-Deprecation and Ruler of DownOnMyself Land, then anyone can do it.  I need this crash course in what I like about myself, and maybe so do you.  So do it!  Then feel free keep it to yourself, share it with me, share it with my inspiration behind this idea, YKIHAYHT.

Ok, here goes!

I am funny.  Not always on purpose, but sometimes some really humorous stuff comes flying out of mouth or in my writing!

I am a good mother.  I love my 4 children with all of my heart, and I know that even when I screw up, they believe with all of their hearts that they are loved and adored by me.

I am a Googler Extraordinaire.  Seriously, I can find anything on Google.  ANYTHING.  It’s my superpower.

I am strong.  Life has taught me recently that I can overcome anything.  I am strong.  Because it bears repeating.

I am smart.  Whatever I don’t know, I can google.  🙂

I am a good daughter.  This one is hard to write, because I’ve been made to feel it isn’t true, but writing it down makes me sit up a little straighter because it’s true.  I’m not perfect, and I’ve made mistakes, and I dwell in the land of insecurity and doubt about my ability to be loved, but as I sit here I choose to believe that I am worth it.  I’m worth loving, despite being flawed and imperfect.  I deserve better.

I am a good wife.  I support my husband, and I would do anything for him.

I am silly.  I love to laugh.

I am fierce.  Most times I am a lover not a fighter, but hurt someone I love and it’s on like Donkey Kong!

Oops, I ran out of time.  That was both harder and easier than I thought it would be.  I feel embarrassed to share it, but I will.

Make your own list.  Male or female.  We all deserve at least 5 minutes to ourselves.  Celebrate being you.  I just did, and it feels great!

When you finish, check out Craughing and The Self Worth Action Project.  It’s amazing!

Kick the Bucket List

I’ve not been feeling particularly inspired to write this weekend, until I received the September 30th “Blog Dare” writing prompt tweet from Bloggy Moms.  I wouldn’t really say I was inspired, it was more of a twinge really, but I’m going to run with it.  The prompt instructed me to add an item to my bucket list.  Since, I don’t really have a bucket list per se, I decided to make one!  I remember standing at the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland (the pic shown above) and wanting to pinch myself because OMG, I was in Ireland!  I remember standing there looking out over the water, struck by the sheer beauty of my surroundings, thinking that anything should be possible.  I was in freaking Ireland!  IRELAND!  Certainly, a bucket list item.  Of course, it was freezing, and raining on and off, and it was a long, steep walk and I could barely breathe, and I didn’t have gloves or a good raincoat, and I never thought I would ever be warm again, and I seriously considered throwing myself off the cliffs versus having to walk all the way back down, but I was in Ireland people!

Thinking back on this day, I thought about other items I would place on my bucket list.  You know, the things I would like to do before I, well….kick the bucket.  I’ll start with 5 items, and build from there!

BUCKET LIST

  1. Trace one of Adam Levine’s tattoo’s…with my tongue.  Too much?  I’d let him pick the tattoo.  Still, no?  Okay fine.  How about a hug?  A full body contact hug, not one of those arm around the shoulder friend hugs.  And it has to last at least 30 seconds.  Wait, why am I negotiating?  This is MY bucket list.  Adam Levine is getting naked.  Or at least topless.  What do those Supermodels have that I don’t?  I probably have that backwards.  What do I have that those Supermodels don’t have?  4 kids.  A husband.  Excess poundage.  I don’t think the items on your bucket list are supposed to depress you are they?  Back to Adam Levine…naked (if you are concerned about my husband, ask him who he has placed on his “get out of jail free” card/bucket list).  

2. Bring on the boobs.  New ones.  This bucket list item assumes I’m down to my goal weight.  These boobs have had children.  These boobs have gone through many weight transitions, many times.  These boobs need a makeover.  Heck, these boobs need an intervention.  These boobs are the Courtney Love of body parts.  A strung out, droopy  out of control hot mess.  So yeah, I’m putting boobs on my bucket list.

3. Run a Marathon.  Eat my way through Italy.  My husband and I both want this trip to Italy.  Hopefully, I’ll be thin and sporting new boobs before this trip happens, so I can get fat again.  Seriously, if I don’t leave Italy 20 lbs heavier, then I didn’t do it right.  Of course, then I’ll have to lose the  20 lbs and my new boobs might suffer a bit, so a new lift might be necessary.  I’m not sure I’ll make it through the first surgery.  The thought of those drainage tubes almost does me in.  Have I mentioned I have a low pain tolerance (as in non-existent?).  So, maybe gaining 20 lbs and ruining my new boobs should be reconsidered.  The problem is that the first place I gain and lose weight is my boobs.  God forbid, it be my stomach.  Oh, now I’m really sorry I brought up my stomach.  Let the downward shame spiral begin….I need a brownie.  Or a cookie.  Or a Hershey chocolate bar with almonds.  Yummmmm.  FOCUS.  ITALY.  Bucket List.  Okay, I’m back.  So, yeah, the hubs and I want to go to Italy someday.

4.  Be a triathlete.  Write a book.  I feel like I have a book in me.  Someday, very soon, I hope I get the nerve to go for it.  There are so many fantastic people who were considered “late bloomers” in their successes.  Julia Child decided to learn how to cook after 40, and didn’t publish “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” until she was almost 50!  Laura Ingalls Wilder was in her 40’s before she decided to become a writer.  I loved her books as a child.  Joseph Conrad, Richard Adams, Kenneth Grahame, Marquis de Sade and Mary Wesley didn’t begin their writing careers until ages 35 or older, some even in their 50’s!  I’ve always wanted to be a writer.  I remember my great-grandmother telling me as a young girl that she thought I’d be a great writer someday.  She also gave me my love for bacon, which I can proudly say I’ve mastered.  Of course, I’m afraid of failing.  Who isn’t?  I’m debilitated by the thought of rejection.  I don’t know that I have the discipline to accomplish this goal, but I know that I don’t want to look back on my life and know that I didn’t even try.

5.  Become an Ironman.   Run a marathon.  Stop laughing.  I’m serious.  Really?  Yes, really!  My original goal was to complete a marathon before I turned 40.  I think we all know how that turned out.  I’ve decided not to put a specific date on this item, just before death…obviously.  I hate running.  I hate exercise.  So, why would I put running a marathon on my list.  Considering licking Adam Levine is number 1, I think it’s safe to say I’m delusional at best.  On the other hand, if Adam Levine was waiting at the finish line…

So there it is.  The beginning of my Bucket List.  Yay me.  I’m exhausted.  Number 6 is gonna be a nap.  No, seriously, I went to the gym today.

What (or who) would be on your bucket list?

Tomorrow I begin this blog challenge where I blog every day for 31 days.  Talk about exhausted!  Ya’ll will be sick of me by November 1st, if I don’t bore you to death.

Nap time….

Sweet dreams….

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Blogger Idol 2012 Contest

I would rather call this contest Fear Factor 2012 because hitting the submit button was terrifying for me.  There is something to be said for obscurity.  I’m not good with rejection.  I’m concerned when I get the “thank you but no thank you letter” that I’ll curl up in the fetal position, refusing to move and drown in my own tears.  I’m joking.  I’d get up to eat.  God forbid, I be too upset to eat.  I have no expectations, and perhaps that’s a good thing.  For your reading pleasure, I have posted below my official “audition”.  It had to be under 500 words, and I think we’ve already established that a word scrooge, I am not.  I did my best.  I tried just to be me.  We shall see.

Here is the link for Blogger Idol 2012 Contest blog if you want to learn more or even audition for yourself!

Writers are the New Rockstars

If you are at all like me, then you are motivated by stuff.  I can never have too much stuff.  Here is a list of the prizes I (or you) could win:

  1. Samsung Galaxy Tab
  2. Blog2Print
  3. Ghirardelli Chocolate
  4. Dragon NaturallySpeaking Premium Edition
  5. Newman’s Own Organics
  6. DaVinci Gourmet
  7. Sogno Coffee Company
  8. Freetail Therapy
  9. Healthy To Go
  10. Snack Taxi
  11. Small Concept
  12. Tyler’s Coffee
  13. GIANTMicrobes
  14. Boogie Wipes

There are some amazing judges!  Don’t be shy, feel free to subscribe to their blogs and tell them how awesome you think I am.  Assuming you think I’m awesome.  If you don’t, well you don’t have to lie for me, but…I wouldn’t mind if you did.  I might be grateful and share my chocolate (if I win it, which I probably won’t, but I’d buy chocolate and share it anyway).

The Spaghetti Westerner

Daddy Knows Less

Non-Stop Mom

Mommy in Law

Freetail Therapy

The Daddy Yo Dude

SooperDad Blog of Awesomeness

Bay Area Mommy

iNeed a Playdate

Tessa Taboo

Wildflowers & Whimsy

The Lucky Mom

…from the bungalow

Pinwheels and Poppies

Honey Badger Press

Daddy’s in Charge?

Official audition post:

——————————————————————————————————————————–

Jeremy Lin – starting point guard for the New York Knicks

James J. Braddock aka “Cinderella Man” – Boxing Heavyweight Champion

Fernando Valenzuela – signed by the LA Dodgers and winner of the Cy Young and Rookie of the Year award in the same year

Rulon Gardner – Olympic Gold Medalist

Men’s Fitness rated these gentlemen the “Greatest Underdogs in Sports History”.  What does that have to do with me and Blogger Idol 2012?  I would consider myself the consummate underdog.  I might even compare myself to William Hung of American Idol fame.  Remember him?  He went YouTube viral after performing Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs”.  He was lovable, fun and fearless.  Yeah, he couldn’t sing or dance, but he made people laugh.  He enjoyed himself, didn’t care what anyone thought, and he made people feel good.  While I hope I am a better writer than William Hung was a singer, my main objective isn’t to impress or dazzle.    I just want to write.  I would like to think I have the ability to tell a story that appeals to people, makes them laugh.  I am a little bit dorky, a little bit awkward.  I don’t come with bells and whistles, I just bring me.

To be honest, the first thing that convinced me to audition was the idea of winning the “snack taxi”.  I will be truthful and admit that I thought it would be a car full of snacks, and nothing gets me more excited than snacks.  I realize that is not what it is…now, but hey I’m cool with saving the environment as well.

I also thought “freetail therapy” was free therapy and if you’ve read my blogs, you would probably concur that if anyone could benefit from therapy it would be me.  I realize now that it’s actually a cool site about coupons and perhaps if I learned to save money at the store, I could afford therapy!

I would do ANYTHING for chocolate and coffee, except get naked.  Or run.  Or exercise of any type.  I wouldn’t kill anyone for chocolate either…probably.  Maybe.

It would be incredible to win the Samsung Tablet.  It would be great to have one present under the tree for my kids at Christmas.  Totally kidding, we always buy them one sock each.  To make up for the one the dryer eats.  So, there’s that.  I’d share a picture of my adorable delinquents, but the rules say no pictures.

<——rule follower

The rules didn’t say I couldn’t shamelessly plug for the pity vote.  I’m not fearless like William Hung, and the thought of criticism or intense scrutiny gives me diarrhea (sorry for the visual, still pity plugging).  I want to improve and stretch myself as a writer.  I think I’d make a great underdog story for Blogger Idol 2012.

I pray I’m under 500 words.

Thank you for your consideration.