If Google Could Talk…

Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them.

My words are:

pixie dust ~ paramedic ~ cardio class ~ high school ~ Fraizer fur ~ pop tarts

They were submitted by: http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/

My first thought upon seeing my words for this installment of Use Your Words was what in the heck is a Fraizer Fur?

Naturally, when I don’t know something, which is often, I google it.  Sometimes I get really paranoid about what I google.  I think maybe it’s going into some big database somewhere that the NSA is tracking and I’m on some watch list.  Or I’ll die suddenly, and people will go thru my google history which would embarrass me more than being found by a paramedic with 8 week hair growth on my legs and dirty underwear.

WordPress has this feature which tells you what google searches brought up your blog in the search engine.  I see weird things here all the time.  People searching for things like “high school nip slip.”  My first thought was why on earth would someone from Finland google that particular phrase?  My second thought was equally horrifying, WHY DID MY BLOG COME UP?!!!?!? I’ve talked about some questionable subjects to be sure…  Well, now that I think about it, I’ve probably covered topics on pretty much every body part, so even though I don’t remember specifically talking about nipples, it’s not a farfetched idea.  However, I still don’t know why anyone would be googling it and can’t imagine they are up to any good!  I also imagine they were very disappointed perusing through my blog, because while no body part may be off limits as far as topic conversations go, there are no accompanying nude photos or graphics for viewing pleasure. This is just not that kind of blog.

Anyway, I digress.  I googled Fraizer Fur and got really worried.  Well first I got annoyed, then worried.

The first thing that popped up from Mr. Google:  “Did you mean: what is a frasier fir” 

Is that what I typed Mr. Google?  NO.  I don’t need autocorrect or made to feel stupid, this was the word I was given now tell me what it is without the commentary!  Is it just me or does Mr. Google feel awfully judgmental sometimes?  I scrolled down a bit, and saw a link to the Animal Liberation Front, which I clicked on against my better judgment.  Now I’m really freaked out that I’m on some NSA naughty list somewhere.  Just typing that phrase probably puts me on a list.  I don’t want to be on a list.  But curiosity got the better of me.  So I clicked.  Apparently, a bobcat was freed from a Montana fur farm, the Frazier Fur Farm in Plains, Montana, not to be confused with the Fraser Fur Farm in Ronan, Montana.  Whew!  Cause I mix those two fur farms up all the time.  Apparently, this is the first recorded live liberation in the history of the Animal Liberation Front.  They opened the cage and let the bobcats “run free to the wilderness.”  I mean I’m happy for the bobcats, but am I the only one concerned about the ramifications of “freeing” bobcats that have been caged for who knows how long?  In other news, another anonymous group freed a group of 4,800 mink in Idaho.  I worry for these animals and their newfound freedom, this doesn’t seem very responsible action to me.

All this research is making me hungry.  I’m seriously eyeing my son’s pop tarts.  The brown sugar cinnamon kind.  Honestly you could sprinkle cinnamon on anything and I’d probably eat it.  The fact that I really want to eat them is disturbing to me, because honestly is there a more gross breakfast treat than a pop tart?  Have you ever looked at the ingredients in a pop tart?  It’s got yummy ingredients like tbhq for “freshness” and sugar and corn syrup and high fructose corn syrup and dextrose and palm oil and wheat starch and did I mention sugar?  Is it any wonder I’m seriously considering eating the entire box.  In one sitting.  This really highlights the nature of my distress over my google findings.  Of course one pastry is 210 calories and 7 grams of fat.  A typical box contains 6 packs, each with 2 pop tarts per package.  So let’s see…math is not really my thing.  Hold on a sec.

If I ate the whole box that would be in the neighborhood of 2,500 calories and 84 grams of fat.  Since I can’t just magically sprinkle pixie dust all over myself to keep my stomach and thighs from absorbing all these calories and fats, I’ll be forced to do hours of cardio class, squeezed into uncomfortably tight workout pants, panting and sweating, trying to make it look easy and still look sexy for the incredibly hot (and probably Australian) male instructor who sounds remarkably like my Siri pal.  I’ll start to feel nauseous (all that tbhq) and decidedly not fresh, which will be followed quickly by my friend dizzy and her cousin light-headed.  I collapse into a heaping hot mess of sick and tired, upon which the hot Australian instructor is forced to do CPR, trying to avoid the dried cinnamon sugar at the corners of my mouth and bottom of my chin, and call the paramedics who in turn discover my 8 week unshaved leg growth and dirty underwear while searching for my phone to call my next of kin and chancing upon my dodgy google history!  In their attempt to revive me, all I can mutter are short phrases like “Fraizer Cinnamon Fur” and “Animal Liberation Tart” and “Save the Pop Minx!”

(I feel quite strongly that the entire paragraph above might come under a google search for “word porn”…)

(I’m also thinking that the visual I just gave you has you feeling quite jealous of my husband right about now)

(If you’re finding yourself getting too excited, my husband has been known to refer to some of my workout outfits as “man repellant”so yeah…)

Now that we are all calm and under control…

I still don’t know what a Fraizer Fur is but I’m leaning towards a tree of some kind?  Excuse me, I see a pop tart with my name on it! Disgustingly delicious!

Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:

Baking In A Tornado                        http://www.bakinginatornado.com

Southern Belle Charm                            http://www.southernbellecharm.com

Not That Sarah Michelle                         http://notthatsarahmichelle.blogspot.com

Spatulas on Parade                               http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/

The Bergham Chronicles                         http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com

The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver        http://www.thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/blog.html

Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                   http://dinoheromommy.com/

Confessions of a part time working mom      http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/

On the Border                                           http://dlt-lifeontheranch.blogspot.com/

Climaxed                                                 http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com

My Happy Place

Use Your Words

Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them.

My words are:

grilling ~ friends ~ side dishes ~ beverages ~ stories

They were submitted by: http://mollyritterbeck.com/


I don’t even want to turn on the television today.  I want to unplug from the internet.  I’m lucky because unlike so many others, I can simply turn off the images that accompany the horrors and atrocious acts of violence permeating our society and world today.  I wake up each morning grateful and thankful that my friends and loved ones are safe and sound.  Lately, I’ve felt weighed down by my heartbreak over recent events.  I’m overwhelmed and struggling to understand that elusive question that haunts us all, why?  I’m scared.  The reality that I could go from someone who watches horrific events unfold from the safety of her couch, her home to someone that someone else is watching from the safety of her couch, her home is terrifying.  I want to wrap my friends, family and loved ones in a bubble.  Shield them.  Protect them.  I want the force of my love to be enough to keep us all safe from those that would hurt us.

Life is precious and fleeting in the grand scheme of things. A friend recently reminded me how important self-care is at times such as these.  Today, I’m going to wrap myself in the comfort of good memories, of time spent with family, laughing and loving each other.  Warm summer days spent grilling on the barbecue, enjoying good food and fun conversation. Nights spent sitting around the dinner table, reminiscing and sharing stories or experimenting with tasty beverages while discovering new board games or enjoying an old family favorite movie.  Days spent curled up on the couch immersing myself in a good book, losing myself in a twisting plot or a fascinating character.  Hours spent Google imaging my favorite side dish, Adam Levine.  Remembering the time my son packed his suitcase to go visit his “other daddy” and thinking maybe I talk about Adam a little too much but also secretly wondering if that ploy would work and Adam would take us in?  Probably not.  My son looks too much like his actual father.  Go figure.  Perusing through old scrapbooks and pictures remembering the sweet smell of babies, feeling the imprint of wet, slobbery kisses, the preciousness of those tiny hands in mine.  Is there anything better than receiving a spontaneous hug or an “I love you mommy” from your little one?  Enjoying quiet evenings with my husband, watching our favorite shows or reading our favorite books.  I’m going to bask in the warm glow of pride thinking about my magnificent girls, how they’ve grown into exemplary young women and how lucky I am to be called their mom.  I’m going to catch Pokemon’s with my son today, living in the moment soaking up his sunlight, absorbing his innocent happiness.

Today I am going to surround myself with loving memories and good thoughts.  I’m going to make my heart burst instead of break.  I’m going to surround myself with things that make me happy, make me smile.  I’m going to love on my family, hold them close.  I’m going to make today a good day, take the time I need to heal my broken heart, soothe my damaged spirit so that tomorrow I can face whatever comes my way.  I invite all of you to do the same.  ❤

Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:

 

Baking In A Tornado

http://www.southernbellecharm.com

http://notthatsarahmichelle.blogspot.com

Spatulas On Parade

http://dinoheromommy.com/

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com

Confessions of a Part-Time Working Mom

http://www.thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/blog.html

http://mollyritterbeck.com/

http://juiceboxconfession.com/

http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com

When I Grow Up

http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com/

On The Border

Have Courage, Be Kind

Use Your Words

Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

My words are:

Blue ~ Balloon ~ Bubbles ~ Park ~ Strawberry ~ Miracle

They were submitted by: http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com

At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them.


I’m sitting here, eating a strawberry, trying to figure out what I want to write about and how to fit in these words.  I’ll be honest, my inspiration for what I wanted to write about hit me literally in the middle of the night, and the only word I couldn’t figure out how to incorporate was strawberry, so I decided to eat one and tell you about it.  I’d even go so far as to say that I bought them with the express purpose of having one to eat, but I’m not that organized.

I usually shy away from hot button topics, not because I’m short on opinions or afraid of confrontation, but because that’s just never what my blog has been about.  It’s always been a place to confront my own failings and shortcomings as a wife, mother and woman in a hopefully humorous style, shining a bright light on all my imperfections and inviting you to laugh along at me or with me.

I’ll be the first to admit that in general I probably suck at this parenting thing.  My mistakes more numerous than the stars in the sky or grains of sand on the beach.  Thankfully, my mistakes have never been broadcast on a global scale for everyone to see.  I’ve never been tried in the court of public opinion, found lacking, and verbally executed for my failings as a mother or as a wife.  I’ve been lucky.  I’ve dodged my fair share of bullets.

Which brings me to my point.

The death of the Cincinnati Zoo’s 17 year old rare silverback gorilla, Harambe, left me feeling blue.  I watched the videos with the same mix of horror and sadness as everyone else.  It was awful, a tragedy, as the loss of any life should be.  If you for some reason have no clue what I’m talking about, just google the name “Harambe” or “Cincinnati Zoo” to bring yourself up to speed and then tell me what rock you’ve been living under so I can join you, I’ll bring food.  And fun, frothy beverages. The story was appallingly horrific and my heart goes out to the mother, the child, every witness of the tragic event as well as the zoo officials.  But what I found equally horrific, was how quickly and easily everyone turned on the mother of the child that fell into that enclosure.  Or jumped.  Or climbed and fell.  Whatever group of adjectives you want to string together to describe what happened that day.  Comments on the event ranged from “that mom should be in jail” to “the child should be shot”. I took myself off social media and avoided the television for a few days because I couldn’t even fully process the things I was hearing and reading.  The angry vehemence and hatred of the masses, the opinions, the statements, the public outcry so vicious and quick, on both sides of the proverbial fence.  The whole incident left me feeling bruised and heartbroken.  I just wanted everyone to stop, take a moment.  Take a breath.  Think.

I was completely blown away by the hatred and condemnation pouring forth from the lips of both parents and non-parents alike.  I hate to stick a pin in the “that would NEVER happen to me because I’m the perfect parent/person” balloon, but what happened that day could have happened to ANY of us.  It was a freak accident that couldn’t have been predicted or anticipated.  It was a tragedy that couldn’t have been foretold.  When did it become so easy as parents, or even human beings to turn on one another?  Those fingers of judgment pointing, condemning, so quickly, so harshly.  When did mom or parental shaming become a sport or national pastime? Is it fear that makes us react so?  Because deep down, we know it could just as easily have been one of us?

I don’t know what kind of mother or person she is in her daily life, but my heart goes out to her.  We’d all like to wrap our kids in safety bubbles before we send them forth in this big and scary world, because we know that our eyes and hands can’t be everywhere, foreseeing every twist and turn in the crazy and sometimes terrifying journey of parenthood. We’ve all taken our eye off the ball, gotten distracted.  I left my infant daughter strapped in her carseat on top of the washing machine at home and didn’t realize it till I got to the grocery story and opened the back door of my car to get her out.  The feeling I got when I realized I had forgotten her, I can’t even describe the panic, the paralyzing fear I felt in that moment.  I couldn’t get home fast enough, my mind racing to all the horrific possibilities.  What if my house caught on fire?  What if by some freak accident, her car seat fell off the washing machine and crashed to the floor.  What would people have said about me if any of those scenarios had happened.  How could she forget her child?  She should be shot! Her kid should be taken away!  She should be in jail! Worse mother ever!  She was fine.  I was lucky.  It took days for the guilt and fear of those few moments to leave me.  Even now, 21 years later, I still feel sick to my stomach thinking of it.

Or the time, our entire family was at the beach.  It was crowded.  It had been a long day.  We gathered everyone up to head home, half of us heading to the car, the other half to the outdoor showers to rinse off the sand and sunscreen sticking to our bodies.  So none of us noticed immediately that we had left my youngest daughter behind, she couldn’t have been more than 5 or 6 years old.  We dropped everything and ran back, screaming her name.  She was standing right there where we left her.  Crying.  There aren’t words I could put down right now to convey how I felt as a mother in those terrifying moments.  What if she had been snatched up?  Or wandered into the ocean by herself?  What would the headlines say about me?  She was fine.  It’s a story we still talk about today, some 14 years later.  A cautionary tale. Again, I was lucky.

I can’t quantify how many times I’ve taken my eyes off my kids, even for a second, at the park, the store, the mall, or even the zoo.  Anywhere. Everywhere. By some miracle, I’ve managed to raise 3 of my 4 kids to adulthood, relatively unscathed.  I’m loathe to even put that down in writing, I don’t want to invite trouble.  Make no mistake though, it’s not because I’m a better parent.  I’ve been lucky, blessed even.  Don’t get me wrong, I feel wretched about what happened to Harambe.  Could it have been prevented?  Maybe.  Possibly.  Honestly though, that’s true about anything.  It’s easy to Monday morning quarterback a situation, talk about how you would have done it differently, or better.  In some ways, I think it’s healthy and natural to have those kinds of conversations.  Learn from our mistakes, move forward.  When it comes to situations like this, we certainly don’t want history to repeat itself.  But when did it become ok to do so in a way so hateful, nasty and downright violent?  When did we all become so collectively “perfect” that we can eagerly and quickly tear down this mother, this family, this child or the zoo.  This parenting thing is hard.  Imagine if we spent more time building each other up and supporting each other rather than tearing each other down, ripping each other apart or pointing that finger of judgment and condemnation.  Take a moment and really think about the mistakes you’ve made that could have gone another way, and imagine those mistakes caught on film and broadcast for the whole world to see.  I don’t know about you, but that shuts my mouth in a hurry.

I hate what happened.  My heart hurts for everyone involved.  EVERYONE.

Woulda.

Coulda.

Shoulda.

These are easy words to shine in the face of someone else’s mistakes.  Be careful though, one day you might find that spotlight shining down on you.  How would you want to be treated? Remembered?  Should we be defined only by the mistakes we’ve made?  I sincerely hope not, or I’m doomed, and so I would venture to guess, are most of you.  If you’ve never screwed up or made a mistake, please contact me, tell me how you do it. I’d love to learn from you, save myself from the inevitable guilt and sorrow of my future failings and shortcomings.

Otherwise, in the words of Cinderella:

“Have courage and be kind.”

Always.  Especially to each other. Let us stand up for one another.  Be a friend, be a champion.  Love one another, that basic golden rule, so easy in theory, so difficult in practice, not in spite of our failures and mistakes, but because of them.

Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:

Baking in a Tornado

http://www.southernbellecharm.com

http://notthatsarahmichelle.blogspot.com

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com

http://www.thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/blog.html

Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com

http://www.angrivatedmom.wordpress.com

Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com

My Brain Has Left The Building…

Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them.

My words are:

Ferris wheel ~ shortage ~ Saturn ~ collectibles ~ iron-clad ~ catchy

They were submitted by: http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/

I’ve been staring at these words for over a week now, and I still don’t know what I’m going to write about.  The struggle is real.  I even tried to get inspiration from man-child.

Me:  “Help me write my blog this week using words like Saturn, Ferris wheel and collectibles.”

Man-child:  “Saturn is a nice planet.  Wanna see my crocodile pushups?”

Me:  “That’s it?  That’s all you got for me?  Saturn is a nice planet?”

Man-child:  “I can’t do your homework for you mom, that’s what you always tell me.”

Usually I feel like I’m always writing stories in my head, so it completely blows when my head is empty.  Well not empty exactly.  It feels like being stuck at the top of a Ferris Wheel.  The whole world appears stretched out before you, but you can’t make out details.  Everything looks small and far away, and instead of a clear picture, you’re left with vague impressions and an overwhelming sense of how truly small you are in the big scheme of things.

I’ve got a million thoughts floating around but can’t get a firm grasp on any of them, and some of them I’d like to forget altogether.  I think the current political climate of our country is turning my usually clear and concise thoughts and ideas into a jumbled mess of mush.  There seems to be a shortage of common sense among my fellow Americans.  I’m not going to make this a political post because that’s just not in my wheelhouse, but the whole process has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I’m so over it.

I saw a news story about a new dating website called Maple Match, where you can find a nice Canadian and settle down in your new country if you don’t like our next President and want to flee the U.S.  I kinda wish Adam Levine was Canadian. You can also resettle on a low-pop island in Canada should you choose to do so.  Canada has produced some very yummy eye candy, not gonna lie.  Men like:  Ryan Gosling, Taylor Kitsch, Scott Speedman, Drake, Nathan Fillion, Justin Bieber…okay well, I could have just stopped at Ryan Gosling, let’s be honest.  And so you men don’t feel left out, we have Rachel McAdams, Elisha Cuthbert, Evangeline Lilly, Nina Dobrev…  Every time I turn on the news, I seriously consider just relocating to Saturn and starting my own colony. I mean, according to man-child, it’s a nice planet.  Those rings are sexy.

I do enjoy this spotify commercial, it’s catchy.

Honest and open dialogue doesn’t seem to exist anymore.  I sometimes have the overwhelming sensation that the whole world has lost it’s collective mind.  All of our tiny brains sitting in tiny jars, lined up from one end of the universe to another, sold to aliens as collectibles, evidence of our folly and arrogance.

Somehow in my ramblings, I’ve managed to use almost all my words.  I’m channeling my inner Donald.  Over 600 words, yet I didn’t really say anything.  No matter who we end up electing, is it possible to get an iron-clad prenup?  So, if we wake up and realize what a huge mistake we’ve made, no matter which side you find yourself camped on, we can extricate ourselves as painlessly and quickly as possible?

At least Jon Snow is alive (for you Game of Thrones fans).  And Adam Levine is back to his super sexy self on The Voice.  And I’ve got a Kindle full of great books to lose myself in.  All is not lost…  Excuse me while I fall back into my #showhole and finish watching all the episodes of Criminal Minds (I’m on season 8).

I wish I could have done my words better justice, but at least you have these other incredible writers to peruse at your leisure and help fill the void I’ve left you with today ❤

Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:

http://www.bakinginatornado.com

http://www.southernbellecharm.com

http://notthatsarahmichelle.blogspot.com

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com

http://www.thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/blog.html

http://dinoheromommy.com/

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com

http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch

http://www.angrivatedmom.wordpress.com/