Obviously, I’ve been a little busy lately. If you think having a whirlwind romance with Adam Levine while working full-time and keeping up with 4 kids, two dogs and a husband is easy peasy…think again! It’s hard work, and I’m exhausted. And cranky. My brain is all over the place, and I’ve had a hard time keeping focused long enough to blog. I was trying to catch up reading some blogs last night and I ran across the first blogger I ever read religiously. I love her, love her stuff and I admire her bunches! She was tasked with writing a post full of weird and obscure stuff about herself. With the exception of her disdain for Brass instruments (my youngest daughter plays the Mellophone/French Horn), I loved her post and learning things about her outside the edge of ordinary. I also have a daughter that plays the flute…so it’s all good. Check out YKIHAYHT (You Know It Happens At Your House Too), you won’t be sorry, she’s awesome!
Of course, I pretty much put the obscure and absurd things about me out there daily on twitter, so coming up with a list of things you might not know about me was hard. I’m more than just Adam Levine’s dirty little secret…
1) Someone once told me that rats poop on the top of soda cans before they are boxed and shipped. Ever since then, I can’t drink from a can, whether it’s beer or soda…doesn’t matter. If I am forced to drink from a can, I always and I mean always use a straw. No exceptions. I can’t drink from cups at restaurants either without a straw. Even fast food places that give you paper cups. One time, I threw a major hissy fit when my husband and daughter brought me a sweet tea from McDonald’s and forgot the straws. I refused to drink it. Things got ugly. I’m not proud. For future reference, bring it to me in a bottle, or you better have a straw. Otherwise, someone is getting shanked and I’m not even joking.
2) When I get out of my car to get gas, I touch every metal surface I can find in order to counteract the static electricity. I am convinced that if I don’t, I’ll spark an explosion and die. I saw it happen on the news once. I never watch the news. Therefore, clearly it was an omen sent from God that if I’m not careful, I’ll blow up. I’ve seen Bones (the tv show), I don’t want my remains grouped by category until they can piece me back together to discover my identity. Plus, I haven’t been to the dentist in like FOREVER, and isn’t that how they identify you? By dental records? I don’t want to be buried in an unmarked grave because they can’t figure out who I am! So, I’ll either avoid putting gas in my car or walk around the gas station parking lot deactivating my static charged body before I get gas, and I don’t care how many weird looks I get, and if you see a deranged woman molesting your car…now you know.
3) I sometimes fantasize about having a threesome with Bill Clinton (the Bill from the 90’s, not now…) and Jon Stewart. Do I really need to elaborate? As an aside, I once got told by a NYC cabbie that I looked like a thin Monica Lewinsky. Did you hear that? He called me thin!
4) I hate blowing my nose. It makes me gag. I’ll prolong it as long as possible. Cleaning my ears makes me cough. Clearly my orifices need therapy.
5) I’m scared of the dark. I have to fall asleep with the light on or the tv on. I have this irrational fear of being attacked in a home invasion. Without my glasses on, I can’t see my hand in front of my face, so I sleep with my glasses on so that if my irrational fear does become reality, I’ll be able to identify my attacker. I also don’t like my bedroom door closed unless someone else is home. The only nights I truly feel safe and secure are when it’s raining because no one wants to break into a house in the rain right? Unless there is thunder and lightning, because I’m scared of those too. And tornadoes. High winds aren’t pleasant either. Hey, just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean someone’s not out to get you! I lost the spelling bee to my arch nemesis in middle school because I misspelled lightning. We’ve had a love/hate relationship ever since. With lightning…not my arch nemesis. I don’t know what happened to her.
6) The best thing I love about my Kindle is that I can read trashy novels and no one has to know. It can be my super secret guilty pleasure, unless I blog about it…. Oops.
7) I used to dirty dance in front of my John Schneider poster when I was a pre-teen. You know the blonde guy from the Dukes of Hazzard. Which is weird because I don’t find blonde guys attractive as a general rule, my taste typically runs to dark headed hotties. I love the pics of John from back in the Dukes days, when “dad” jeans and “mamel” toe were sexy. Well, maybe they weren’t really sexy but we didn’t know any better. Oh, and Parker Stevenson was the better-looking Hardy boy. 8) Matthew was my very first schoolgirl crush. He was the cousin of one of my childhood friends, Kelli. I’ve never told anyone this before, and I’m really hoping she doesn’t read this blog…like ever. I would listen to sappy love songs and play out all of the scenarios where he realizes he likes me back and I would finally get my first kiss! I was 14 when I got my first kiss and alas it wasn’t from Matthew. My obsessions with boys I would never have started young… Do you remember your first non-celebrity crush?
9) I love the smurfs. Still. If they are on Cartoon Network, I will commandeer the TV from my children to watch, by any means necessary. Bribes. Threats. Any means necessary. Don’t come between me and my smurfs. Handy was hot. He could build stuff. With his hands.
10) Every song Adam Levine has ever written is about me.
It’s disturbing how relatively easy it is to come up with weird and slightly obscure facts about me. I could easily have made this list a top 20…or more.
Now it’s your turn to overshare! Don’t be shy…