Nick Nolte or Gary Busey…Wait What’s the Question?

I was nominated for two awards this week!!!  For those of you counting, and let’s face it, everyone does…that makes a total of THREE awards for me!  Yay, I did the math.  Right?  On September 19th, I was awarded The Liebster from my new friend Viola Fury.  Getting nominated for two awards this week took the sting out of not winning a spot in Blogger Idol and realizing that my dreams of being the writer version of a rock star were not going to come true.  And I bedazzled my leather pants and everything…oh well *puts tube top and feather boa back in closet*.  Did I mention I was practicing my 80’s hair?  It’s all about finding the perfect combination of tease and spray.  Never underestimate the power of the backcomb.  Enough about Blogger Idol, this is my moment!  My award!  Back to me!  My favorite subject.
Speaking of me…I’m a little concerned all these awards are going to my head.  Here’s why:
  1. I carry around a little bell to summon my progeny (it doesn’t work on husbands come to find out, but shrilly bellowing works nicely in a pinch).
  2. After a stranger hit my grocery cart with her grocery cart, I replied “I’ll give you my autograph, you don’t need to take such drastic measures” (this may or may not have actually happened, but either way…I am clearly putting the Prima in Donna).
  3. I locked myself in a dressing room for two hours aka Amanda Bynes-style, but I was actually sobbing because I’m pretty sure my muffin top has exceeded the weight capacity required to still be considered just a muffin top.
  4. I pre-ordered an iPhone 5.
  5. I got mad when they expected me to pay for it…hello don’t they know who I am!
  6. When I accidentally hit a pedestrian, I was insulted they didn’t make a bigger deal about it.  I know I’m not Lindsay Lohan, but come on! (no one was hurt in this “alleged” incident).
  7. When I named dropped Duracell earlier in twitter, I fully expected a lifetime supply…wth?
  8. I walked around the house topless, and I was actually disappointed I didn’t end up in a tabloid the next day.
  9. I’m drinking more and showing up at inappropriate places wearing my pajamas (I mean let’s face it, that look is fine for Walmart, but Target…umm no)
  10. I’m Adam Levine’s secret girlfriend…duh

Of course, I am a little concerned about the darker side of fame.  I could end up looking like this guy:

I mean he’s won all sorts of Awards and nominations, right?  Whatever happened to Nick Nolte anyway?  Is he still alive?  I always get him confused with Gary Busey.
Pretty sure my kids have been on the receiving end of a face very similar to this one.
Anyway, I digress.  Back to my award and hopefully if I start turning into Nick Nolte or Gary Busey someone will ship me off to Dr. Drew.  Just make sure I’m heavily airbrushed and they use that Barbara Walters soft camera lighting on me, okay?  Okay.
I might actually be drunk right now.  I’ve been doing shots of Nyquil.  In the daytime.  I like to live on the edge.
Okay, so really now…back to my award.  I’m going to answer some questions and then nominate some of my faves!  Don’t feel pressured to respond if you do get nominated, just know that I enjoy you!

1. What is your favorite color?

I don’t know if I’d consider it my favorite color but I wear quite a bit of black.  I hear it’s slimming.  After 2 hours locked in a fitting room trying on black “skinny” jeans, I beg to differ.

2. Your life is going to become a script for a movie. Who would you want to play you?

I have a huge girl crush on Jennifer Garner.  I think she could pull me off.  If she wore a fat suit.

3. Coffee or tea?

I don’t function without coffee, but I’m also a southern girl and LOVE  my sweet tea!  I also take my coffee sweet, as in tons of sweetener and creamer.  It hardly resembles coffee when I’m done, more like a dessert.

4. Not counting family…what do you feel your greatest accomplishment is so far in life?

Um.  Huh.  I’ve always pretty much defined myself as a mother.  And up until this question, I would have said getting my oldest daughter to 18 without getting pregnant or doing a stint in rehab was my greatest accomplishment to date.  Huh.  I’m stumped.  Stymied.  I once spent an entire day watching nothing but True Blood.  Does that count?  Oh, I know, I jogged the other day.  To the mailbox.  I was winded, that should count.  Yeah, I got nothing.  I think raising these tiny people is the only accomplishment for which I want to be known.  On my tombstone it should read “She didn’t raise assholes”.

5. Book or movie?

Book, most definitely, hands down, no question.

6. What was your favorite childhood toy?

Probably Barbies.  I mean it’s the one thing I actually remember playing with way past the age I should have been playing with them.  My favorite childhood memories of my sister and I center around playing with Barbie.  Her memories might not be as fond.  She always got tricked into playing with the “ugly” Barbie.  You know the one with only one foot because the dog gnawed off the other one.  Or the Barbie whose leg won’t stay on.  Or the Barbie we played Beauty Salon with and now she’s sporting a sassy new “do”.  And there was that one Barbie we tried to make a brunette by using rust spray.  I told her everyone loved a villain.  It was waaaaaaay better playing the “bad” Barbie, than the pretty, goody two-shoes Barbie with the fabulous clothes, 5 story house and married to GI Joe.  Ah…fun times.

7. Did you have an imaginary friend as a child? If you did, what was its name? If you didn’t, what would you have named it?

Yes, I did have imaginary friends.  I don’t remember if they had names, but they did have voices.  I would give each friend a different voice, because how else could I differentiate among them…duh.  My parent’s would have friends over and they would think I was having a slumber party.  Could be disturbing, could be imaginative…I’ll let you decide.

8. Favorite season?

I love Winter and I love Fall.  I can’t choose between them, it wouldn’t be fair.

9. Did you play sports in school? What were they? If not, do you regret not playing sports?

lol… Reading should be a sport.

10. Dvd or Blu-ray?

I’m a gadget whore.  I love buying the newest “it” gadget.  To be honest, I can’t tell the difference, but Blu-ray is the clear choice here.

11. You get to become a villain for a day from a Disney movie. Which villain are you?

Ooooh, good question.  I mostly resemble Ursula from The Little Mermaid (you know…physically).  I loved Hades from Hercules, and James Woods just has an awesome voice, so I’d probably say Hades.  Plus, I’m pretty sure there are moments when living with me is like living in one of Dante’s Circles.  So Hades is an appropriate choice.

I read all sorts of different blogs, some of you may not even know I read you.  I wish there were more hours in a day to spend reading.  I have blogger moods, one day I might need to find the funny, other days I might be feeling crafty.

So, the AT&T store called and my pre-ordered phone has arrived, so I have to run.  Priorities.  No time for spell check, be kind.

Here is my list of nominees for The Liebster Award:

Figuring it Out as we Grow


My Life and Kids

The Random Blogette


Cassandra’s Corner

I Want a Dumpster Baby

Red Vines and Red Wine

Life’s too short to play possum!