Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 13 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.
My “Secret Subject” is:
You wake up and YOU are the “elf on the shelf” and you CAN move about on your own free will…what havoc do you create or are you a “good” elf? Write a story and tell us about a day in the life of “You the Elf on the Shelf”
It was submitted by: http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/
If I woke up as the “elf on the shelf”, I would spend my time writing my human self a letter and it would go something like this…
I remember the night you brought me home. It was late, you were panicked because apparently you lost your original Elf on the Shelf, which you let your spawn name “Spike”. I tried not to feel alarmed that my comrade and fellow Elf on the Shelf was terrified and alone, shoved in some box somewhere, forsaken and forgotten. I didn’t even get a new name. I got a used name, a rather horrific name for a Christmas Elf, but my opinion wasn’t solicited. Apparently, it’s your belief that all elves look the same. You thought nothing of passing me off as the original “Spike” to your unsuspecting offspring. Sometimes late at night, I think I can hear the original “Spike” screaming to be freed from his dark prison of neglect.
I dreamed of the day I would be picked off the store shelf and brought to my new home for the first time. My dream in no way resembled the nightmare I now find myself in. Every night thrust in some new humiliating or precariously orchestrated scene of mischief and mayhem. Somehow I’m supposed to illicit good behavior with these ill-advised shenanigans! How that works, I haven’t quite worked out yet. I see how you look at me, with your deep sighs of annoyance. Often even forgetting about me altogether, and making ups some lie or excuse as to why I failed to move during the night. I do admit I find humor in those mornings you find yourself up before the crack of dawn trying to find something new to do with me. Something impressive you can post on that Facebook page you’re always looking at and obsessing over.
This whole Facebook phenomenon is the only reason I think you bought me in the first place, for the second time! All these adults trying to outdo or one up each other! Can I be completely honest with you? Of course I can, this is my letter! You have many gifts, and I suppose as a parent, you do okay. I mean, who am I to judge. My treatment notwithstanding, you seem like a pretty good person and I think you do your best. I’m not judging you but you’re never going to be the mom who sews her kids Halloween costumes. Or the mom that makes a Whole 30 approved lunch for her child every day, complete with little sandwiches cut into various shapes and characters. Or the mom that gets up and makes fresh pancakes and berries for breakfast on the daily before school. Or the mom that volunteers for anything and everything and does a spectacular gluten-free job. Accept this. It’s okay.
You’re the mom that throws a bruised banana in a brown paper bag with some stale goldfish, peanut butter and jelly on a hot dog bun (because you ran out of bread and it was at least a whole wheat bun) and a tic tac you found in the couch cushion and calls it a lunch. You might not be the mom that can hand sew the best Halloween costume ever, but you are the mom that will drive around to 50 stores to find the exact rendition of ninja that your son desperately wants to be. Why measure yourself against what you think you know about other mom’s based on how many likes they get on a posted picture via some social media platform or another. More importantly, why drag me into the crazy! I’m just a little elf, designed to bring magic and wonder, and I suppose entice good behavior during the season of Christmas. Quit killing yourself (and me!) trying to live up to an ideal that isn’t even real!
If you can’t somehow send me back to Santa, to enjoy a long life of making toys, finding a nice elfette to marry and having little elf babies of my very own, then for the love of St. Nick, please stop with the crazy schemes and insanity! And find the original “Spike”! He deserves a proper send off as well! How do you even lose an elf anyway?!?! By the way, nice job explaining my absence so far this season on your impending move. I’m not asking for much, just don’t lose me. Surely, I deserve better. I’ve risked life and limb for you, holding my crazy positions, keeping alive the magic and innocence best expressed in the eyes of the young, prolonging childhood and generating precious memories along the way. If you’re reading this imagining my little elf fist shaking in your general direction, then you are doing it right. I don’t want to stage a coup, but I am willing to obtain, by any means necessary, if not my freedom then at least a stop to this madness. As smart as I believe you to be, and I’m feeling generous this morning, you seem to have missed the boat completely on the point of my existence.
Now please excuse me while I spend the rest of my free time doing things that bring me joy. I’m going to dance to Christmas music, eat some holiday fudge, write a letter home to Santa and a few other special elf friends and because I’m a nice elf, I’m going to take a rag and dust a few of these places you seem to favor propping me up in and around. I could make dust angels…not to give you any ideas, but I think I’ve developed allergies since living here. Housekeeping won’t necessarily go on your list of strengths either, not that I’m judging! I promise. I’m on your side, truly. Help me, help you. Leave the madness. I have faith in you! You can do it! We can do it…together!
Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:
Not That Sarah Michelle http://notthatsarahmichelle.blogspot.com
The Bergham Chronicles http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com
Spatulas on Parade http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com
The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver http://www.thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/blog.html
The Lieber Family Blog http://thelieberfamily.com
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy http://dinoheromommy.com/
Never Ever Give Up Hope http://batteredhope.blogspot.com
A Little Piece of Peace http://little-piece-of-peace.blogspot.com
Confessions of a part time working mom http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/
The Angrivated Mom Blog http://www.angrivatedmom.wordpress.com/